Finding Home, Together.
Authentic community is like a dance, the relationship of unique individuals who come together in such a way as to become something more together. They come together for the sake of the dance.
Thinking a lot about community these days. It used to be (back in 'the day') folks would feel the call to leave home (community) to find themselves - who they were as individuals. Fast forward many years to a time (say 2024) when we are all, for better or worse, pretty practiced with individuality, and yet, so many are sensing a longing for home.
Some contend individuality can be allusive in isolation and only makes sense in the context of community - however, in a different sense sometimes we must leave home to find home. Maybe T.S. Eliot’s Little Gidding sheds some light:
”We shall not cease from exploration. And the end of all our exploring. Will be to arrive where we started. And know the place for the first time.”
In the time between beginning our exploration and an arrival, I personally resonate with German Romantic poet Novalis, who describes our search for home as "immer nach Hause" (trans.: always homeward, never reaching home).
I feel this way sometimes - always on the way somewhere and nowhere, often simultaneously. I'm aware of my part in this - probably a smattering of unrealistic expectations, a passive-aggressive avoidance of dealing with my stuff, the fear of being rejected (again) and a nagging sense that I wouldn’t recognize a healthy community and my place in it even if it jumped up and kissed me on my beak (nose).
It's true for many of us that our greatest longings (and gifts) are coincidently in the same places where we have experienced our most significant heartbreaks. I’ve been really hurt in community, and while I’m being honest, I have really hurt others too.
Many of these hurts were not malicious - they happened in the context of life together - my sharp edges banging up against the pointy edges of others. Each of us lacking the wisdom/skills to work through the mutual issue and deal with our respective pointy parts.
Sadly, some of my deepest wounds sure felt malicious. Insecure, frightened people with power and influence. “Conform or be cast out”* with a feigned concern (or not). These can be scary people. Some of these people lead communities.
My hard-learned conclusion is the issue isn't community in general; it’s a shitty, (coercive) power-inspired community that is dangerous. Culturally, this is a model we know all too well. That being said, surely (?), we are evolving and growing as a species - looking for better, equitable ways to do life together.
I am convinced that healthy community is something different. Community is birthed and sustained out of something beautiful, something immensely powerful with a radically different character - other-preferring and resolutely unControlling. Healthy community is not about uniformity but diversity. Community fosters open tables, not exclusive country clubs. It is in our diversity that we together can become something more than our sum total, an equitable community of faithful, forgiving friends.
Authentic community is like a dance, the relationship of unique individuals who come together in such a way as to become something more together. They come together for the sake of the dance.
Make no mistake. The uniqueness of the individual is not lost within the whole - rather, the whole works precisely because the individual shares their uniqueness together with another(s). Think of a Mosaic.
Community that together creates safe space for folks to truly belong share a common substantive value among its constituients. A BIG idea, one that transcends. A value that is entangled and animates everything, at least to some degree. A kind of energy that we may have come to know as Love.
Love is at work calling and inspiring humanity (and beyond) to differentiating Union. Becoming One in Love with Love.
(In) “the fullness of time, to gather up all things in him, things in heaven and things on earth.”
More compelling than race, religion, gender identity, sexual orientation, politics, nationality, wealth or fame Love has the potential to truly reconcile, innovate and unite us in more foundational ways. As deep calls to deep.
Love is the catalyst and lifeblood of home, the sense of community for which we long. A place where we are unreservedly loved and celebrated as we are. In the community of love, we can grow both as individuals and as a community. Together we embody more of the beauty of Love.
A couple of hunches, for now:
We begin by practicing loving in life's big, scary moments and especially in the mundane, small things of every day. Slowly but surely, love becomes our inner rhthym, Love uniquely expressed through our uniqueness, moment by moment.
Love begets Love. I have a strong inkling that we play a part in creating home. We co-create home with others (and Love itself) to stretch towards more consistent life of self-giving, uncontrolling love in all we do.
It seems true that it’s not about perfection but direction - there are no perfect communities. Some are definitely better than others, but even the best ones are a work in progress.
This is why love champions extravagant forgiveness along with owning and dealing with our “stuff”. As messy as it can be sometimes, healthy community is the relational dance between plain ol’ folks from different experiences who are committed to radically inclusive, self-giving love. Sensing on some level the Divine kiss - the song of Love towards becoming home, together.
Sola Caritas,
Michael
Hey, if you’ve made it this far, please consider sharing these few ideas with your friends, and while you’re at it, Subscribe to my Substack.
*A reference to a song by Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Legends: Rush. From the title track of the album Subdivisions. Why? well, ‘cause it speaks to me. :-D