Deconstructing your Faith? A bit of what I learned during my Deconstruction.
While everyone’s deconstruction journey is unique, there are some things I wish I had known along the way. So, I thought I’d share a few here.
About 20 years ago, I began my personal deconstruction - this involved stepping away (dismantling)from Big Box ministry. It cost me friends, notoriety, my ministry equity and reputation, my false sense of certainty about all things God, and … a paycheque. I write about it in my 2012 book “Becoming Love. Avoiding Common Forms of Christian Insanity.”
Still, the journey out and in (continues) has been the most spiritually fertile of my life. I’ve learned so much and have grown in so many ways. While everyone’s deconstruction journey is unique, there are some things I wish I had known along the way. So, I thought I’d share a few here.
These seem helpful:
Religious-induced or Spiritual trauma is real - take steps to address it with a Trauma-informed therapist (ideal if they have experience with spiritual trauma). Checkout my friend Anita’s work.
Christian belief is not a monolith. It is more accurate to speak about Christianities. There have always been different streams of Christian thought and practice. Not all streams of Christianity tell the same stories the same way or support ideas like original sin, omnipotence (and other messed up ideas of power and authority) or penal substitutionary atonement.
Healthy Christian thought evolves, in part influenced by the best of what folks thought early on and what we know to be true about the world, others, and ourselves today through experience and sound science. The Christian story is not (should not be) a static story. For me, Open and Relational Theology was really helpful.
Good Theological insights don't automatically translate into deep wisdom. (hint: Deep Wisdom looks amazingly like Loving well). Deep insights that are genuinely lived-into produce deep wisdom and transformation. We can intellectually untangle the theologies of Eternal Conscious Torment, Hell, Penal Substitutionary Atonement, omnipotence, yadda, yadda, yadda and still be a mostly angry, self-righteous, deconstructing fundamentalists.
Oh, and by the way - being called a Heretic (backslidden, Jezzabel, etc.) is not fatal. I get it; it hurts. But remember, it’s just the huff and bluff of religious coercive power trying to shame you back into line—a mouse with a microphone.
Discerning the way - ask yourself what invitations of the Spirit are before you in your next steps. Is it genuinely loving? Is it honest? Is it healing/restorative? Is it merciful? Is it kind? Does it make us more genuinely human?
(Be aware of hurts and bitterness with a veneer of Christian virtue that justifies cruelty, bitterness, chronic victimhood, scapegoating / the mob.)
Certainty - is a religious McGuffin. The idea of certainty is a cruel taskmaster because many believe we must have it all figured out to be right with God. Certainty is gnosticism and the antithesis of faith (relational trust).
Letting Go - just when we think we’ve arrived, we soon discover so much more. Religious deconstruction, like all of life, is a journey that includes and transcends. This means by necessity, we leave some things behind - because we outgrow them, and they no longer serve us. This is the rhythm of life - birth, life, death and re-birth. A series of letting go.
Love is the way - The God who is love is not coercive despite what you may have been taught all your life. Instead, God calls, coaxes and lures us forward with love. Not as a reward or punishment (withholding love) but instead as a faithful, loving companion each step of the way, presenting us with a host of loving possibilities in each moment.
Keep Going - the desert is the space between where we were and someplace new. The desert helps us prepare for, dream of, shed baggage and heal as we move toward the new. Yes - there are essential things to be learned in the desert, but these are often seen in hindsight from the perspective of the new space on the other side.
Don't wait for the crowd - You may be alone or find a couple of others to share the journey with. They might be friends for a season but avoid the peer pressure bitterness traps along the way. These dear folks may be having a tough go of it and aren’t in a place to move through the pain (yet), and they want company. Keep moving.
On your way, grow, heal and then be a guide - Take the splinters out of your eye (practice good self-care, including good boundaries) before trying to help someone with theirs.
Be FOR something beautiful - If every idea and topic of focus comes back to blaming toxic religion, religious system and bad theology - Keep walking and healing. This can be deceptive. We can trick ourselves into thinking we’ve got it all figured out because we have a bit of insight. Our experiences will always be a part of us in some way, but health is when we move from a focus on what we’re against to what we are for.
Beware of any invested in you being just as angry and stuck as they are - Beware of snarky voices that sound wise and certain in their endless critiques but have never created anything new and beautiful. These voices tend to reshuffle the chairs on the Titanic rather than produce anything novel.
Good Guides - are folks who have done the hard work in the desert of deconstruction and come out the other side - into a newness of life that is creative and about something beautiful. They help us transition from what was to the compelling beauty of what is and could be.
Skilled guides gently help us untangle from ill-fitting, sometimes toxic and abusive religious ideas. This is not just about new information. Skilled guides walk with us as we untangle our hearts and integrate the new way of being spiritual in the world.
Wise guides will help us (re)discover the genuine, still, small voice within each of us and help us learn to trust ourselves and respond to the invitations of the Spirit. Supporting and resourcing us as we explore the generous bandwidth of rich insights and practices beyond our often narrow, static Western religious traditions.
Be careful not to deconstruct your way out of what it is to be human - Indiscriminate deconstruction gets you nowhere. C.S. Lewis illustrates the point:
“You cannot go on 'seeing through' things forever. The whole point of seeing through something is to see something through it. It is good that the window should be transparent because the street or garden beyond it is opaque. What if you saw through the garden, too? It is no use trying to 'see through' first principles. If you see through everything, then everything is transparent. But a wholly transparent world is an invisible world. To 'see through' all things is the same as not to see.” ―C.S. Lewis, The Abolition of Man
I suppose the last thought I’ll leave you with is as we progress and untangle, we will begin to sense that the real renovation has more to do with what’s going on inside than those things outside of us. (Hint: it has nothing to do with “sin nature” or anything so silly. ;-) ) We learn to own, accept and work through our stuff instead of blaming/projecting our stuff onto others. We need to resist the temptation to stay a victim.
Sola Caritas,
Michael
December 10 @ 7pm Blue Christmas - Navigating the Holidays in the Shadow of Loss. Hosted on Zoom - To Register
Starting January 7 - an online 8 week Grief Group hosted by yours truly. More Information
December 12, Noon-12:45 my friends at the Mosaic Network are hosting a learning event: Steps Towards Decolonizing Our Christianity. - facilitated by Rohadi Nagassar. Details